


The Deepest Scars (In Time Will Fade)

by MeteoraWrites



Series: BTHB - Sterek Series [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bad Things Happen Bingo, Blood, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, mention of past suicide attempts, unintentional self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 00:27:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17991413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeteoraWrites/pseuds/MeteoraWrites
Summary: Stiles is home from the hospital at last and things aren't going as well as everyone would hope, but they are getting a little better.





	The Deepest Scars (In Time Will Fade)

**Author's Note:**

> For my Bleeding Through the Bandages square of bad things happen bingo

He’s been home maybe three hours, and everything feels... wrong. That’s the best way he can think to describe it. His time in the hospital didn’t really help all that much. Sure, he talked to the therapist and told her what he could without sounding completely insane. Got put on  new  meds to help curb is  urge  to hurt himself and to fight the depression that’s threatening to destroy him.  It  kind of works, but not as much as he let the doctors think.

Derek is in the kitchen with Scott making dinner. His dad had to go to work for a few hours and since he’s basically  o n suicide watch for what will probably be the rest of his life he got stuck with his boyfriend and best friend hovering and doting on it  tonight .

His head tips back and rests against the couch cushions. He can hear Scott and Derek talking, though he can’t make out their words. Doesn’t really care to. He knows they must be talking about him. About how he still smells depressed and miserable even after therapy and medication.

It makes his skin itch under the thick bandages he still wears. He’d cut his arms pretty deep. Enough so that he required some minor surgery to repair damage to the tendons in his right arm. He kind of likes the ache from it. It’s grounding in a way. Something to focus on when his mind gets running too fast.

Not that that’s been happening much since they started him on the antidepressants. He finds himself spacing out because of them. Forgetting  things  he was just told or that he was just doing in the middle of doing them. They said it will go away. That he’ll adjust and be able to think normally after about a month.

He doesn’t think he wants to wait that long. Doesn’t like the way he feels. Not that he likes how he feels without the medication any more. Either way he still feels drained and hollowed out. Worst of all he feels disconnected. From everything and everyone.

There’s still a spark of a connection with his dad and Derek, but everyone else? They all visited him in the hospital. He could barely look at them. Especially Lydia. She cried, and it made him wish Derek hadn’t found him. Scott was the worst though. All the sad puppy eyes and making Stiles tell him everything that’s been going on in the dark twisted mess of his mind.

Sometimes, there are glimmers of hope in the haze of all this emptiness. Derek smiling at him. His dad laughing as he tells him a story about something that happened at work that day. Scott telling him about how someone pranked  Finstock  again.

The happy moments are short lived, though. 

Derek picks then to come back into the room. He gives Stiles a once over before coming to sit beside him on the couch. He takes Stiles hands in his, which had been resting on his lap. Well, one hand been, the other was scratching at his arm through the bandage. He didn’t even realize he’d been doing it.

There’s a fresh patch of red under where his fingers had been working, and the tips of said fingers are tinged red from the blood seeping through the bandage.

“What happened?” Derek asks. His tone is gentle, no accusation. This happened a few times at the hospital, and he knows Stiles isn’t doing it intentionally. He doesn’t even really feel when it happens because of the pain meds he was given.

Stiles stares down at the blood both on his fingers and slowing spreading across the once white bandage. “I was just thinking,” he admits, flexing his fingers before looking up to meet Derek’s concerned eyes. “I don’t know if I’m ever going to be better than this...” 

The look Derek gives him is a sad one, and he squeezes Stiles’ hands before leaning over and placing a kiss on his forehead. “These things take time. Just try, that’s all I’m asking.”

His words make a lump form in Stiles’ throat and his eyes itch as tears form in them. He wipes a stray one away with the back of his hand before letting Derek take it again. “Yeah, I can do that,” he manages to force out as Derek pulls back to look him in the eyes again.

“I’ll get the stuff to change your bandages, try not to scratch anymore, alright?” 

Stiles nods, fingers twitching. He wants to keep scratching now that he’s really aware of the itch and what came of scratching it. He still doesn’t like the sight of blood, but it really doesn’t bother him at the moment like it used to. 

Derek gives him one last look before rising from the couch and leaving the room.

Once he’s gone Stiles turns both hands and grips his knees tightly. He can feel the blood that’s seeping from the bandage start to soak into his jeans, but he doesn’t care. He grips his knees tighter, eyes closing as he counts to ten. Resisting the urge to keep scratching. To rip off the bandage and pull out his stitches. He knows the urge will pass. He just has to breathe and count.

“1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10.” When he opens his eyes  again  he sees Scott standing in the doorway that leads to the kitchen. He gives Stiles that crooked smile of his before turning and going back into the other room. It makes him feel a little better, knowing Scott was keeping an eye when he’s having one of these  _ moments _ .

Derek is back a moment later, taking a seat on the couch beside Stiles again and slowly reaching out to pry Stiles’ hands from where they still hold his knees tightly. It makes him feel guilty, needing to be taken care of like this. He knows it’s okay to need help. Doesn’t change how ashamed he feels about it, though.

He has to look away when Derek removes the bandage from his wrist. He knows if he sees at  it  he’ll either feel nauseated or have the urge to hurt himself. Instead he looks up at the ceiling and waits patiently as Derek drains away the pain in his arm, taking the itch along with it, and gets it cleaned and re-bandaged.

When he’s finished Stiles looks down again, giving Derek a watery smile as the wolf reaches for his other hand to clean the blood from the tips of his fingers.

Derek moves closer to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders when he’s done and pulling Stiles close so he ran rest with his head on the wolfs shoulder while their sides press together. The warmth is nice. He always feels cold, since well before he hurt himself. And being close to Derek is like this is almost like being wrapped in a warm blanket. It helps sooth him to an extent, and the warmth always seeps into him in a way that makes things just a little easier to bear.

They stay like that a while, Stiles dozing off against Derek’s side while the wolf hums and just holds him. By the time dinner is ready and his dad is home he’s feeling a little better. Thoughts less muddled and dark. Enough so that he actually enjoys the mean with his family for the first time in a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to [Check out my Tumblr](https://meteora-writes.tumblr.com) for story update schedules and other info <3


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